Who? Paul lol. Remember the guy who pulled his personal ad? Well, this morning he called, when I was away from my cell phone for 5 minutes. Grrrr. Said he pulled his ad as computer dating isn’t for him and he prefers talking on the phone. Mentioned we had a lot in common and apologized for not reading my entire ad and reading my description, but “I still would like to get to know you” but it wasn’t said with a whole lot of enthusiasm, so we’ll see. I did call him back and left voice mail so we’ll see if he does call.

The illegal alien is back on the site, same username, but this time his ad is seeking a woman with a photo … ah well. I could never be involved with someone who was an illegal alien as I’d fear I was breaking the law by knowingly being with him, ya know? Plus he didn’t have a car and that would make life very tough.

Here is something VERY sexy!

That was right after they were put on, before I even had a chance to wipe them down.

Happy birthday, Summer!

I survived the storm with minimal damage. Didn’t lose the power at all and not really any flooding either.

The illegal alien is no more lol. Went to check email from him today on that site and he deleted his profile last night. Yep, another one who deleted his profile after talking to me … in my last email to him, he had asked me to talk to him on IM and I told him I don’t really like IM and prefer email. That was it. Sheesh! Then I had a cop in Texas ask what “hirsute” meant. What, do people not know how to type the word “hirsute” into a search engine? I gave him the medical definition and doubt I’ll ever hear from him again!

Site redo is coming along slowly. My nerve is really pinching sitting in this office chair, so I keep getting up. The only place that’s really comfortable is my kitchen table chairs. Tuesday I plan to buy a new office chair. Don’t think I’ll have time tomorrow and with it getting dark by 4:20 or so it’s really going to limit my fun time. I don’t think I’ll be hanging out with the kid much as it will get dark too early. There isn’t much left to do on my car anyway, most of it is tinkering with stuff or attaching stuff.

Those changes on Hairy Space broke some things so were removed for now. Sorry.

So, Paul didn’t call last night. He picked up my message and then at 8:20 PM he deleted his profile from the site. So, I beat myself up for a while wondering what the hell I said wrong *THIS* time, but in reading my last message to him, it’s obvious to me he’s married. I asked if he was single and he didn’t answer, so I asked again, and told him I looked forward to talking to him. The next move he made was to remove himself. And, well, my initial reaction was correct … the bad spelling was telling …

Meanwhile, the illegal alien is turning out to be a nice guy. We emailed last night and a little today. Now, I don’t expect a romance from this for many reasons, mostly his status plus the fact he has no vehicle. But I’ll meet him for coffee. I didn’t mention the hair. I did ask if he liked fat chicks and basically he said he was not talking to a body but a person so it didn’t matter. Good answer

The one near me asked for my pic a few times, as did the other one, so they’re history.

By tomorrow you should notice some new features on Hairy Space including the ability to make your profile private, the ability to block someone from messaging you and the ability to wink at someone. I just checked and there are issues with the latter so I may disable it ….

My chiropractor is amazing. I’m not fixed lol but not in nearly as much pain. After my adjustment yesterday I didn’t notice a difference, but I did sleep through the night and didn’t wake up every time I turned, and the muscle pain is tolerable. Turning my head still compresses the nerve so driving is a real bitch. Turning my head to the right is the most painful but luckily I had the kid with me most of the afternoon and he can tell me if traffic is coming or not. Plus he’s so cute when he’s in my engine bay lol. Today I took pics and thought I had a few good ones of him but I forgot to put the card in the camera so can only look at them or print them, can’t upload. I’ll take pics Monday as I’m getting my … well, you’ll see the new pics on Monday night.

Major storm due in tomorrow with 60+ mph winds and tons of rain. Hopefully I won’t lose power … but my laptop is fully charged and I’ll charge my portable DVD player and cellphone when I wake up, just in case. I have no plans other than to work anyway so if I lose power I’ll just watch a DVD.

Got plans for the weekend?

That new guy, Paul, *did* call last night, but I was sleeping. I didn’t tell him I go to bed early some nights. I did email and ask him to call me tonight, but he didn’t pick up the message yet. But that illegal alien keeps emailing me!

And, there are 2 other guys interested, one is about 20 minutes from me and the other, 75 minutes from me. Oddly enough I’ve dated 2 men from that city but the distance is too much, and he’s already asked if I get up to HIS area often … yeah, right. But he did make me laugh when he described in his personal ad “going to the pub for a brew and chicken wings and then coming home, getting into our PJs and watching a movie cuddled up.” The former is just too white trash and the latter too romantic! If I had to choose between the other 2 (20 minutes vs. Paul) I’d be hard-pressed without knowing much about each …. the distance with Paul may be a huge issue, but he seems to be ideal for me.

And, I’d say he feels the same way about me … “WOW! I have been looking for someone like you my whole life! This is NO JOKE! I am searous! you are the perfict woman for me and I have no idea what you look like? I have read your profile you are the first woman that not only caught my eye you blew me away.” (I know his spelling isn’t perfect but I’ll overlook that. He was impressed that I was into old cars and told him I’d rather play in my engine bay than do girlie things like shopping.

So, we’ll see. The reality is often painful, ya know? It’s like they say looks don’t matter or your weight doesn’t matter, then months later make fun of your weight …..

Oh, the illegal alien just emailed again … you know, for someone who doesn’t speak good English, he’s doing fine and it’s almost cute trying to read what he says. If he’s not looking for a Green card and is into hairy chicks and fat chicks …. being Portuguese I think he would be used to very hairy women! Some of the women around here would make you guys nuts. Most remove it but you quite often see women with dark mustaches, long sideburns, VERY hairy forearms, etc. There is a woman at a local store who has the hairiest forearms, a thick ’stache and she’s always at the register. No, I’m not giving out the location!

Some days I get SO aggravated over the comments of stupid, moronic men. This dating site I visit has a forum and the topic of hairy women always comes up and they bash us to bits. It’s worse when the subject of fat women comes up. There is one moron in particular who takes perverse pleasure in picking on me in particular. When I mentioned that of the last 5 men I met, 3 said I wasn’t fat and one said I was medium, he asked if they said that merely to “get their penis wet.” Besides being crude …… I calmly told him I don’t do one-night stands or anonymous sex, but he thinks that fat women are grossly disgusting, that NO MAN would ever want a heavy woman, and only men who are desperate for sex would date a BBW. Unfortunately, many other men chime in and the men who do like fat women have no balls to speak up and admit their likes. One or two used to speak up but they have moved on, I guess.

New guy is history. Never called, deleted my email. Why? Guess he read my profile in full finally. He did say he didn’t judge people on looks and personality went a long way, so now I’m beating the hell out of myself wonder what I said wrong THIS time, when I know damned well I didn’t say anything.

Went to the chiropractor since I didn’t sleep much last night and just turning my neck is pressing on the nerve. I repinch this nerve every year or so, had originally done it in the early 80’s. Fortunately 6-8 chiropractor sessions will clear it up until the next time.

It’s opening the garage door where I have the Firebird. The space I rent has a garage door you have to physically pull up to open, and it compresses the nerve. I’m going to swap it with another car, probably tomorrow, since the other garage has a door and lock. The 2 spaces I rent at this place are in a good neighborhood, huge lights on the ceiling (20 foot ceiling) with plenty of electrical outlets and room to store stuff, but opening the door is a pain in the neck, literally. I’m going to go get on ice in a few minutes.

The kid went to show me a couple of cars just to see them, one was a 1968 Mustang Sprint with original paint, one owner, 289 in pretty decent shape for $6,500. But, he had a 1969 Firebird there for $3,500 but damn, it needs a LOT including new floor pans, tons of stuff in the engine bay, etc. The kid was pretty serious about checking it out but he was confused since it’s so different from mine, so I had to teach him about 1969 being different than 1967/68. Felt so proud of my knowledge! I am steering him away from buying it, he doesn’t have the money and it will take some good cash to flip it. It’s got primer, too.

Neck is still hurting, even with yet another pillow. I’m thinking it may be a combination of a pulled muscle and a pinched nerve. I’m having some numbness/tingles that happens when my nerve repinches. I guess it’s back to the chiropractor tomorrow and see if that helps.

Morning began with the stiff neck, then one of my favorite people called and after about 10 minutes on the phone, it began beeping, telling me my battery was dying. This is my regular 2-line cordless phone that is in the charger 99.99% of the time. I’ve replaced the battery in the past but today just realized it’s only 2.4 ghz and it’s time to upgrade, so I bought a 5.8 ghz and it should be here in a few days. 2 of the 3 phones will be easy to replace but one will be a little hard to reach and replace.

The new guy, Paul, is supposed to call me later tonight, so hopefully tomorrow I’ll have good news. I need to show Summer and YankBird a photo!

My favorite restaurant closed last weekend — I’m heartbroken. It had gone downhill after the chef left and the last few times I went I was disappointed, and now it’s closed. Really a shame. The had the best sauces in the world

I’ve had a stiff neck for 9 nights now. I changed pillows twice to no avail. Bought another pillow yesterday, another $100 Tempurpedic or whatever the heck it is. Expensive is what it is! Tonight I’m going to try just sleeping with my head on a towel folded up so it’s pretty flat and see what that does. Driving is hard when you can’t turn your neck.

Just got this gem from a dating site:

hello in my profile I dont say to must thing ou noting you just notice my english is not so good because i’m portuguese lol to say anything i can say i’m realy truth in my hear and mind i dont play games i hope you dont to i’m try my best here i’m divorce i have one dauther she is in azores portugal in america i’m illegal and i say to you i dont whant a women to maried me just for be legal no i can go to a lawyer and pay for my papers but now we can be friendes a big kiss for you

Ya know, an illegal alien proposing to me … I mean, I’m desperate but not that desperate!

But, there is someone new on the horizon. I don’t know if he’s into hairy chicks nor if he’s into fat chicks, but he does want someone who likes old cars and isn’t bored by them. He’s not local and, in fact, is about 3 hours from me I think, but in the same state. So that’s a really really serious problem right off the bat, but I’m not going to jinx things by looking for problems right away. If we end up just friends, that’s fine, too.

A friend bought a DeLorean with 13,000 original miles. I’d been looking for a GTO for him at a specific price with no luck and then he found this and grabbed it. I can’t wait to go up and see it, he’s about 20 minutes from me. He wants to see my Firebird, too.

Working on redoing one of my sites entirely and hope to finish it off tomorrow, then have my writer come in and do her part, so maybe by the weekend I’ll have something new for y’all.

Did my Red Sox rock or what? 4 from the Indians, 4 from the Rockies, WORLD SERIES CHAMPS!!! Gotta love Terry Francona who is 8-0 as a manager in Series games. And the rookies, wow. Who’da thunk a Japanese pitcher would drive in runs, or a rookie with his FIRST ever at bat in a series would homer? This series will be talked about for a long, long time. I wore my Red Sox jacket today and got a lot of thumbs’ up at me, and that’s before I was in the Firebird!!

Got my timing cover issue figured out. Hard to believe the car goes away in 4 weeks. Hopefully the other one will be back from restoration so I can drive it for a day before winter storage.

First, I went to the auto parts store and the guy offered to change my points for me. As he was doing it, this stud in a huge black truck came up and he had a gorgeous goatee. He helped the guy gap the points and we talked about cars. He had a nice dog, too!

Then I went to meet the guy who will be pulling my engine and painting it, and he had a goatee. And, out comes his worker who has a goatee, too. THEN they bring me to their garage to show me his 1972 SS, 1970 Nova, and other cars he’s working on including a 1966 GTO, 1968 Road Runner, and a few other cars. I was in heaven, let me tell you. THEN he says he has another storage area with GM parts — a 3,200 sq. foot “barn” with nothing but original parts. Shelf after shelf of original boxes of stuff for my car, but I really don’t need to replace much, since this car is in awesome shape.

Yesterday I went to see the electrical guy since the wiring on my car was in sad shape I thought. HE had a sexy goatee, too!!! He said it’s all original wiring and really in great shape. He did replace 2 wires (I’d already replaced my frayed coil wire), hooked up the heater/defroster (don’t ask why the moron previous owner disconnected it, I haven’t a clue) and fixed my other issue it seems. All I can say is WOW. This car does nothing but attract guys with goatees!!! Should have seen the guy with the George Michael look at another auto parts store yesterday when I went in with the kid. He BEGGED me to drive car, then mentions that his father has a Camaro and he’s not allowed to drive it since he wrapped his friend’s Iroq around a tree. Meanwhile, begging to drive mine?? LOL I don’t think so!!!!!!!!

Was about to go to bed and then the Red Sox scored 5 runs so now I’m glued to the television.

Nick is such a chicken shit piece of crap. There, I said it. Ignores me for 2 weeks, then apparently he accidentally messaged me with “hi” on AIM. I came back to that computer, saw the message, wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but instead said, “uhm hi” and the second I sent it, he logged off– he must have realized he messaged me and ran like a little girl when I responded. He’s not a real man and now I see why he can’t find anyone to love him. He’s a game player for sure.

Another guy who was interested in me disappeared but hadn’t been on line in a month, but today I noticed he had logged in, yet didn’t message me. It’s ok, I found his profile on a LOT of dating sites recently and now realize he’s definitely not what I’m looking for, particularly since (a) he’s not into cars, (b) he has a very young child and (c) lives over an hour from me.

Uploaded more pics of the car this morning, since I document every little thing. Shoot, I replaced 4 screws in my grillwork yesterday and took pictures!!

Saw an interesting series of posts on a forum where virtually everyone there claims NO man is attracted to overweight women and NO man would ever want a woman with hairy legs, full bush, hairy pits or a mustache. Wow, how wrong they are

Yes, I had dinner last night with someone who had never been to a real restaurant. Weeks ago we talked about food and he said he loved the Chinese buffet since you can have all you can eat for $6. He loves the mashed potatoes, pizza and fried rice. Oy vey. I told him I don’t eat trash food and only eat at real restaurants, and he said he’d never gone to one. I figured he was joking.

We’ve gone out to eat half a dozen times, and each time I’ve taken him to a little tiny Chinese restaurant not far from him, where the food is freshly made right there and then and isn’t overly expensive — no atmosphere, get your own dinner — but freshly made with fresh veggies, no MSG and not a lot of sodium. He always gets French Fries and each time asks if they have mashed potatoes. I keep telling him no Chinese restaurant served that, but he then asks if they have pizza. So, he ends up with 2 egg rolls (he’s a vegetarian and won’t eat seafood, I don’t have the heart to tell him that there is pork and shrimp in the egg rolls), a small veggie fried rice, a small veggie lo mein.

He’s always so in shock that the food is SO much better than the buffet. I explain they use cheap quality at a buffet and it sits on a steam table for hours and hours.

Last night I decided to take him to a “real” restaurant not far from him, a Chinese restaurant. He looked around several times, then the waitress brought out the bread. He said, “they give you bread to eat?” and grabbed a roll. He didn’t know how to open the little packet of butter as he’d never seen one before. Internally my mouth was gaping.

The menu boggled his mind and he could not find mashed potatoes on the menu. He asked the waitress if they had any and she gave me a look! I ordered some soup and a small Chicken Teriyaki. He could not decide, then asked for Spinach with Garlic, but asked if they could make it with cheese. I got another look from the waitress and told him Chinese people don’t eat cheese. He asked if they could make it up anyway.

Oy vey. I finally told him to get fried rice and he got a small veggie fried rice and more bread — he could not believe it was free.

He also ordered a fruity drink with Vodka and got a little tipsy pretty fast, showing me he really doesn’t drink often. He was much more open once relaxed but I was glad he had just one drink.

So, he gets his fries and his rice but ate half of it. I asked if we could take the rest to go and he said “the bread, too” since it was free lol. He was amazed they gave you water to drink with the meal in glasses.

I grew up going to restaurants with my folks. I guess I just assumed everyone had been to a real restaurant in their life. Some day I’m going to take him to my favorite restaurant where dinner always costs at least $50 per person, or my 2nd favorite where $30 per meal is the norm.

Came home to an email that began, “I had such a great time putting in that alternator and belt and having that dinner with you and chatting“. Just made me feel good and it’s been a while since I’ve felt this good. I needed my ego stroked a little.

Went through a voice mail to find one and ended up listening to a message from Nick that just broke my heart with his “hi babe” and “I miss you and love you” bullshit. Not sure how much fun it was doing the belts as they weren’t easy and I’m sure tomorrow we’ll do dinner after I put on the other new stuff … but it’s nice to have a male friend into cars who I can chat with and have dinner, though I believe it was his first time in a “real” restaurant. Tonight he said he liked thicker women and that surprised me as I figured he’d like the thinner type. I know he’s not attracted to me so don’t get your hopes up lol.

How about them Red Sox? WOO HOO!!! First the Pats did it again, then my Sox did incredibly well … I can’t wait until the Series! I wore my Sox cap today and most people I saw had some sort of Red Sox cap, shirt or banner.

Do I think we’ll win the Series?

No comment

Well, sure, my Red Sox will be playing in an hour, so that’s a good thing. But, let’s see, I made some soup for lunch since it was cold and I went to grab the container from the microwave and got a bad steam burn, bad enough to raise the skin on my finger and now it’s raised and filled with fluid and hurts, and there is no one to kiss it and make it better.

I have had a stiff neck for 3 nights now and changing pillows hasn’t helped it … not sure what to do.

Nick has obviously moved on. Not a word from him. I’m not sure why I have this ability to attract guys who aren’t real men who just move on without saying goodbye. Have a few others who are interested but they’re not into hairy women, just looking to get laid, so I’m not interested in them.

I did begin straightening out my video room and only dropped 2 things on my foot so far. I had to redo my computer desk in there as I added a CD burner last night (burned my first CD ever) and needed to rearrange things a bit better. I joined one of those online download sites and burned a CD and it actually worked! So, ok, something went right.

Took a shower as I felt grungy after getting dusty and forget about the finger. Uhm, hot water in the shower does not feel good on a skin burn.

I was supposed to go to a car show tomorrow, the first cruise where I’d be able to show off the Firebird, but it turns out to be something else, not quite the cruise show I was led to believe. I think I’ll install my overflow bottle instead. I was going to do it Monday but it’s going to be near 80 so I’ll be in my air-conditioned vehicle!

Did some work today, not as much as I’d have liked but I had to set up the new monitor. Oh yeah, I bought a 22″ wide screen monitor. Not sure if I like it or not …. I prefer the square monitors so I think I’m going to return this one for a 20″ square monitor instead. I like the larger size but the wider screen really plays with the 800×600 screen resolution I need.

I’m definitely not a size queen

Just wanted to send out a personal thanks to all the new guys who have been commenting on my posts. I love feedback and love to hear from people and hear what they think.

I learn a lot about human nature and my own feelings with this blog, and it’s a form of therapy for me to write. Some women eat, some go shopping, I prefer to write when I’m frustrated, upset, sexually tormented or just confused as hell.

About 6 weeks ago I wrote about meeting that 19-year old kid from MySpace. He never contacted me after we met, which was fine with me as I didn’t want to hook up with him, which I told him even though he begged me for 20 minutes. Yesterday I was driving and realized I went by his house, so when I got home, dropped him a note saying “I drove by your house and saw your truck, maybe I should have beeped and said hi.”

I get back a response, “HEY I WAS GONNA BUT THEN IT HITT ME IM TOO YOUNG FOR YOU LATER”

He needs to get over himself!! I told him from the first email I wasn’t interested in him sexually. I told him that when we met. I told him that when he begged for 20 minutes on the phone. Yet a simple “hi” email trigger the above response? LOL. I blew HIM off so I guess to save face he’s implying I’m too old for him, which is fine ….

He’s immature, too young for me, into drugs and alcohol — exactly opposite of what I want.

But I laughed my ass off, that’s for sure

Didn’t start out to be a busy one but I didn’t get home until well after 7 PM tonight.

No word from Nick so I’m going to go out on a limb and assume he’s moved on to someone else. Not sure what I did wrong this time and I’m hurting from it.

Spent quite a while working on the car today and I got a lot of education on points, sparks, coils and trim rings. This gorgeous guy with a gorgeous goatee came over to help with the car and it was all I could do to stick my tongue in my mouth and not drool!! He was good with the car, I’ll give him that much. Tomorrow I’ll know if what he did fixed things or not.

Saw a woman with a very very dark mustache today and she wasn’t that young, so either she likes it or just doesn’t give a damn.

Why don’t I ask if guys are married BEFORE I meet them? Why do I always forget to ask?? I should not complain, as I met this guy solely to talk about cars and nothing else, but I never did ask if he was married and when I got home and checked his MySpace profile (he told me he had one) I find out he’s married. We met on a dating site but it was just because he knew about Firebirds and I had no romance in mind whatsoever. Despite the fact Nick is neglecting me while paying attention to MySpace sluts, I’m still would consider meeting other guys “cheating.”

Anyway, he was a nice guy and we talked about Firebirds for a few hours. I showed him how the trunk stopped popping open yesterday and came down on my head, so he grabbed one of my wrenches and fixed it for me, which was very nice of him. I then went to see someone about pulling the engine and painting it and cleaning up the manifold over the winter.

Since I met him with no romantic intentions, I had no expectations. He was better looking in person than his online photos, and a perfect gentleman who never made me feel uncomfortable and didn’t check me out. And his knowledge of Firebirds was awesome and I learned a lot from him, he even gave me a lead on getting new trim rings.

At least when it comes to men, I mean. I know that talking about it is very, very painful for me, as it brings up very painful memories. I know a friend stayed in a relationship much too long and kept saying, “but he accepts the hair.”

I know you guys love hairy women, but for hirsute women it’s just so damned hard to open up about being hairy, and then hoping you find someone who will accept you as you are.

One of the hardest things about opening up about it waiting for the reaction. Will he accept it? Will he say it’s disgusting? Will he be turned on by it?

I know for me, it takes a lot out of me to talk about it. I did so last night with Nick, but not at length, and it depressed the hell out of me, and I notice he’s not acting the same as he was before we spoke about it. I didn’t go into where the hair was, just why I still don’t shave my pits and some of the pain of growing up hairy (he’s never read my stories on my sites apparently).

Part of me wishes that we never would have to talk about this. Part of me thinks we may never do that as he’s moved on. Part of me wishes I were more confident about things.

You can’t undo the past, but it’s not easy to let go of it either.

Tonight my Red Sox play and hopefully we’ll win and move ahead in the series. The last game was a sheer embarassment.

Nothing from the new guy, despite the fact he came home from work and logged into AIM and MySpace. Guess I thought I mattered more to him, that he’d want to rush home to email me or message me and say hi.

Maybe I expect too much. No, I don’t think so. If you say you love someone, then they should be uppermost in your mind, not the little thin MySpace sluts.

It’s no wonder I have such a hard time trusting any man

The prospect of being involved excites me and scares me. I think the biggest issue is I don’t feel I’m worthy of being loved. Godnose my ex certainly banged that into my head. And, since then, no one has made me feel like I deserve to be loved or are worth being loved.

I was just reading a forum and the subject of fat women came up again, as always. And, of course, there are all these men saying no one is attracted to BBWs and how disgusting they are. And then I hop over to MySpace to answer an email and see my sweetie’s page, full of thin, pretty women ….. and I begin to doubt myself big time.

Yeah, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I know not all men are alike, but it’s still not easy to deal with or accept, or get your hopes up.

My guy (Nick, let’s give him a name) and I haven’t really talked about weight, looks, or anything like that. We haven’t had a whole lot of time to talk about some things. He’s a younger guy with an active social life, I guess,and I can’t expect him to stay home every night and email me or call me. But I also know I crave reassurance. We haven’t really talked about the hair, which is a good thing. I mean, he asked if I was hairy, I asked if hair anywhere would bother him and he said no, and that was it. If he kept on about the hair I’d lose interest very rapidly. I’d like to think it’s the person he likes and the hair is just frosting on the cake. Sometimes cake without frosting is good.

No, this isn’t a line from a book. It’s what someone actually said to me today. ME. And it scares me to death. Why? Because I can actually see myself feeling the same way about him. I lost a little piece of my heart to him already and I can see it won’t take a whole lot to lose more. He doesn’t live close to me, which I see as the biggest obstacle, as I can’t have a long-distance relationship. But, I suppose if we meet and he still likes me, moving here would be a possibility. I’m getting way ahead of myself here, though. I’m just hoping we can meet soon. Hell, I’m just hoping he calls back

Had another laser appointment tonight and it went fine, no pain at all, didn’t even feel it. I do get a little emotional when I have it done and came home hoping to hear from that special guy, but no luck, despite the face he was on both MySpace and HairySpace. Perhaps he’s changed his mind …

I’ve been talking with someone for a bit and last night he got a piece of my heart. How? Well, we were chatting and I mentioned I needed a vacation and suggested he take one as well, up to this area for a few days, then we could go away and get to know each other better. He responded and mentioned “a little place for us with a fireplace where we can cuddle.” That was it right there and then. No man has ever tapped into the deeply romantic side I have or done anything about it.

The insecure side of me hopes I don’t fuck this up. The romantic side of me hopes it works out.

I’m trying to keep it all in stride as we never did get to plan a vacation or set a date. I need some advance notice so I can make plans and cancel anything that needs cancelling (hair, nails, laser).

So, we’ll see what happens.

Why should I? I mean, seriously. I was taken to task today by someone who said I “curtly refused” to have coffee with him. I’m not sure who it even is, but I probably get 2 invitations a week from strangers who want to meet me. When I ask why they want to meet me, 99% of the time they say “because you’re a hairy woman.”

What an insult that is.

They know nothing about me, just that I claim to be a hairy woman, yet they want to meet me? Am I just one large hair follicle? It won’t matter if I have the IQ of a turnip and the personality of a Q-tip, they would still want to meet me. And, that’s insulting to me.

Now, if he got to know me through email, and then phone calls, and then wanted to meet me for coffee, I’d most likely say yes. I haven’t met a lot of people from my sites …. just one so far. Well, no, I’ve met a few guys who I met through my sites, but that was many years ago and they responded to my personal ad. In retrospect, I think it was just one guy, but I felt no connection to him at all. He obviously felt the same as he never contacted me much after that except to say he married a woman who didn’t have hairy pits.

You guys won’t want to hear that, but I feel really creeped out meeting a hair lover. I don’t like it when they stare at my forearms, my eyebrows, my upper lip, etc. I don’t like being stared at, I don’t like comments on how hairy I may or may not be. I don’t like being made to feel like crap because I don’t fit your ideal of a hairy woman. When the doctors declare me medically hirsute, that’s good enough for me.

Women who meet strangers from the Internet often wind up dead. So, forgive me for not jumping at the chance for coffee with anyone who asks. Get to know ME the person. Don’t ask about my body hair at first, ask about ME. Find out who I am, what I’m about, and then I’ll open up about being hairy, though a lot of it is already written about online.

Very few people behind the scenes of websites even make themselves known. Not only can anyone email me, but they can call as my phone number is right on my main website, my oldest one. I like personal contact with my surfers, don’t get me wrong. But it’s when they want to make that personal contact into personal contact that I have to back off.

Remember the “hot and horny” guy I wrote about? I’ve told him several times that I’m not interested in him.

Following is the log from today’s conversation. The only thing I changed was our nicknames. This is creepy to say the least. He insults me in person, I tell him repeatedly he’s not my type, and yet he BEGS me to play with him.

I’m such a sexy siren (sarcasm there, btw)

NameHidden (12:40:38 PM): Hey pam
Pam (12:53:27 PM): Hey
NameHidden (12:53:57 PM): lets meet today
Pam (12:54:07 PM): For what?
NameHidden (12:54:30 PM): what you dont want from me but what I want from you
Pam (12:54:49 PM): lol I’ve told you I’m just not interested and I’ve moved on

(more…)

Sounds like the name of a book, doesn’t it? But, it’s how I feel. 3 of the last 5 men I’ve met from online have said I wasn’t fat. 1 didn’t make a comment on my weight (just the hair, repeatedly, making me feel like shit) and the other said I was bigger than the type he usually likes (gee, thanks).

But, I AM fat, and if you say I’m not upon meeting me, then you’ll never see me naked. Naked, I’m very fat, clothed I get away with being just fat. So, you’ll be extremely disappointed and probably turned off once you see me naked.

I hate when people try to change my perception of myself. I am what I am, and I admit what I am without fancying it up with special words — “pleasantly plump, more cushion for the pushin’, more to love” — and I say I’m a fat chick. Sometimes I say I’m a SSBBW because BBW lately have come to mean 30 lbs. overweight or something.

Do I like being this big? Hell no. So, why don’t I do something about it? Tell you what, get rid of my PCOS and then we can talk. I don’t like hearing how easy it is to lose weight, cut back carbs, exercise more, blah blah blah. If I cut back on carbs, my sugar goes out of control as my body thinks something is wrong and produces more insulin. If I exercise more, I get bad leg cramps. If I don’t eat enough, my sugar goes out of control, see reasons above.

Ptomaine poisoning from, I believe, shrimp. My fever did break but I’m still uh living in the bathroom. I’m afraid to eat solid food and have been having popsicles, iced tea and cranberry juice since yesterday. I’m hoping I can sleep tonight without getting up every 2 hours and am hoping this gets better as I really REALLY feel like crap.

Even feeling sick I still had car issues to deal with today.

Not much work done, hopefully this weekend.

No word from any men. The one who interests me the most just sent a “hey babe sorry you’re sick” message last night, but nothing since. Would have been nice to wake up to a “hey, hope you feel better” message or something today. What can I say, I like it when a guy pays attention to me.

Second day of being sick and today is even worse. I’m not sure what the hell I ate that didn’t like me but it’s certainly getting its revenge. I slept from 7-8:30 and just tried to sleep but can’t, so maybe working will tire me out a little. But I’m never eating solid food again

I find lately things with men are either feast or famine. I gave my number to half a dozen guys who never called and disappeared once they had the number. I don’t know if it’s the thrill of the chase or what. A couple were far away so I can understand that, one wanted dinner and I only wanted coffee. Yet on the other end of the spectrum is this new guy who, after our first conversation declares he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. What’s sad is he’s exactly the type I go for in so many ways, and other than living 1,700 miles from me, would be perfect if he’d slow down. What would be nice is if I got to know him a little better and he took a vacation in this area. I could certainly use a vacation.

Maybe now I’ll just go take a vacation from work and try to sleep a bit.

There is someone new I’ve been talking to online and I have to admit, he’s exactly the type I like. Now, the other day I was told I was picky, and it’s very, very true. I can’t help that I’m attracted to younger guys with mustaches and goatees. While I’ve never dated anyone like that, I’d like to.

I am fussy and picky, but I don’t want someone who lies to me, who steals from me, who abuses alcohol, or who lives more than an hour away from me.

What’s wrong with being picky?

This new guy is not a huge communicator, though … I figured after our fantastic conversation the other night I’d wake up to a “good morning” note or something but he was gone for 2 days. I hate when men do that.

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Not much happening here. Thought there was a new guy. Had a nice conversation and I figured he’d email me just to say hi before he left for work, and he didn’t. Last thing he said was we’d talk tomorrow and yet he’s not contacted me. So, another one disappears on me.

I must have some pretty bad mojo or cooties or something.

It was pretty chilly by 4 pm today. I was with the kid while he bought some bolts for my car and then put them on, and I was freezing. I should have had a jacket with me! I think it will be 40 tonight and I’ll grab a blanket, though I’d really just prefer a guy to cuddle with.

I talked to someone earlier today and he said everything I wanted to hear and seems like the perfect guy. The problem? He lives in the middle of the country. He’s also quite a bit younger than I am. Now, everyone knows I like younger, mature guys, but my own insecurities kick in and I wonder why the hell someone that age would want me. Lately it just seems that every guy I want isn’t interested in me, and every guy I don’t want is interested in me. At least I got rid of the “hot and horny” guy!