1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man,
She will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist He have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Young hot college age women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy ****s.

11. People in the 70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar
Solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take
His half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they “high five” each other.
(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex
In the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit
out of you if you shove your dick in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite
A woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses suck patient’s dicks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best
friend, She’ll only be momentarily pissed off before sucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… Or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s dick it’s important for him
to Remind her to “suck it”.

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers And find a dick there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one
hand firmly On the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN’S REVENGE
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
“The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.” Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.” Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says “HEBREWS”

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

1. You’ve pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left

2. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only of you want to

3. You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds

4. You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy

5. You think it’s not actually tailgating unless you’re touching the bumper of the car in front of
you

6. You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people can get through and a red one means two more can

7. The transportation system is known as the “T”

8. You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house

9. You almost feel disappointed when someone doesnt flip you off when you cut them off or steal their parking space

(more…)

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